the 50 miler in which I decided I do not in fact want to do a 100 miler

Things that are very resolvable but not yet resolved

the messy part about life

we love well funded high schools

suburb dead ends

Is that you’re perpetually too young to appreciate the gravity of it all. 

Was thinking back to the day I got into Berkeley and trying to remember how I felt. I think I was happy, sure, but also really just mostly relieved. Mostly relieved that my parents could be happy.

And yknow, I’m always quite happy n grateful to be running down NY late at night, because that’s all I ever fucking wanted as a kid. To live!! In!! New York!! But I also really never quite thought it’d actually happen. It’s like the pipe dream of when I say I want to live in Copenhagen, now.

But if you really drill into it, I don’t think I would’ve ended up in New York if I didn’t have a green card. Which only happened because of cs. And I only tried that major because I was in Berkeley. And that only happened because some admissions counselor was feeling generous.

In an alternate universe, maybe I’d be finishing up med school, still in Alberta, or maybe I’d have a house and two kids. Not saying this current life is better, but I don’t think I knew at 17, the gravity of that day. 

Makes me wonder what other decisions I’ve made (fucked up).

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the 50 miler in which I decided I do not in fact want to do a 100 miler

Things that are very resolvable but not yet resolved

the messy part about life

we love well funded high schools

suburb dead ends

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