FAWG WUZ THICC 2DEI

So many mutilated car antlers out on the road this time of year

The Camp Pendleton Visitor’s Center: The cyclist’s equivalent of the DMV

A Snake that Got Run Over

Takin’ Chopz

Bragança -> Boticas

Jeezuz H. Krast on rubber crutches another fackin’ beat down of a stage. 

To whomever decided to start the stage with a 7km climb at 5%, who hurt you?!? Why are you taking it out on us??? I’M JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE AT THIS POINT

Pretty much every stage from here on in isn’t a gimme and there is some kind of fucked feature, and today was no different, with a healthy power test right out the gate. SHOCKINGLY, MIRACULOUSLY, MISLEADINGLY I made it over the first climb and actually felt decent for the first time in days, and thank gawd for that because the break didn’t go for 2 HOURS AND 45 MINUTES. Screw a Portuguese start, I have now learned there is a Portuguese middle, and a Portuguese finale too. After that first climb, it was a fast ripping downhill for what felt like forever, and folks were trying to get off the front, and I was even having a crack at some moves over roller, but nothing was being let on a leash. There were a couple moves that seemed perfect too that had both Ricky and Tyler in it, but even those were quickly brought back. 

Finally, FINALLY, over the crest of the major 11km two-parter climb in the middle of the stage, a move of about 10-15(?) went up the road with Tyler in it, who had been riding with the strength of ten men up until time that point. 

Of course, this was all well and good but we quickly found out that there was a rider who was only less than 3.5 minutes down on GC in that group which meant the pack was going to have to ride harddddd to keep the move in check. Over the last of the Cat. 3 climbs—7.5km at 5%—the pace felt like it went truly nuclear and I simply could not cut the proverbial mustard any more and ejecto seato’d out the back. I found a grupetto, and we collected Scott who had popped off after a final turn for Ricky to position him going over the top, and we rode it in to the finish, a not simple task given the final major climb of the day: 5km at 8% with a 1km stretch at around 15%. That climb should be illegal. It violates some principle of the Geneva convention, I’m sure of it. There’s pedaling squares, and there’s pedaling triangles. If it was possible to pedal a geometric shape with less than 3 sides, that’s what I was doing. MISERY! 

Out of Tyler’s break, Artem Nych of Sabgal Cycling Team, which we have affectionately been referring to as “Sag Balls Cycling Team,” went solo, presumably over the monstrosity, and stuck it to win solo. Tyler would finish 2nd in the bunch kick to take a hard fought and well earned 3th place and land himself on the team’s 4rd podium of the race. 

Unfortunately, Hugo was taken out by a rider who refused to just pull over after he front flatted on a decent and instead tried to ride it out through a corner, and upon trying to brake, forced such colossal lock-ups behind him that Hugo was taken out by someone who couldn’t slow down in time behind him. The ol’ phrase is true: this sport giveth, and then it fucketh you. He’s doing relatively okay though, and the rest of the dudes made time cut and live to fight another day. 

It’s pretty much hard rolling days from here on in, and I am praying—nay, BEGGING—my legs to flush the doo doo caca that has apparently replaced my muscles so that I can actually meaningfully contribute to the team efforts instead of just being in pure survival mode all the dang time.

📸 Matias Novo | Podium Events

Top Sports

Sam Boardman

Volta a Portugal: Etapa 6

6 Photos

3 Comments

Segments

Sign up to view more activities from Sam Boardman

FAWG WUZ THICC 2DEI

So many mutilated car antlers out on the road this time of year

The Camp Pendleton Visitor’s Center: The cyclist’s equivalent of the DMV

A Snake that Got Run Over

Takin’ Chopz

Want to see more?

The #1 app for runners and cyclists

Sign Up for Free. Track your progress and reach goals. Join 100 million active people on Strava.

See More from Sam