Ski • St Gervais

Ski tour • Le Tour

Paraglide • Planpraz

Hike + fly • Chamonix VK x3

🥾➡️🪂 An Inexplicable Act of Self-Hatred Disguised as Sport

5:56 AM - The time when even murderers are asleep, yet here I am, voluntarily extracting myself from a perfectly good bed to trudge up a mountain like some sort of deranged pilgrim. The French Alps at dawn: beautiful, majestic, and completely indifferent to my existence.

The Ascent: 4.06km of questioning every life choice that led to this moment. "I'll hike up and fly down," I said. "It'll be spiritual," I said. What's spiritual about your heart hammering at 142 BPM while your legs stage a workers' revolt? This isn't enlightenment - this is just expensive suffering with a view.

Internal Monologue by Altitude:
- 1200m: "Right, this is character building"
- 1500m: "Character building is overrated, actually"
- 1800m: "I have plenty of character, more than enough character"
- 2000m: "I could be having breakfast right now. BREAKFAST."
- 2043m: "Oh... right. That's why."

The Absurdity: Spent 70 minutes climbing 1000 vertical meters like some sort of bipedal ant, sweating through every layer, questioning my sanity... only to gently glide back down in the time it takes to make a proper cup of tea. It's like spending three hours assembling IKEA furniture just to immediately dismantle it, except with more chance of death and better views.

The Human Condition: We are the only species that climbs mountains for fun, then jumps off them with a bedsheet. Somewhere, evolution is having a nervous breakdown.

📊 Annual Futility Tracker: 18,628m of voluntary vertical punishment ⬆️
Because apparently I haven't learned anything

🌐 summitbag.com | 🍷 wine.com (essential)

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Theo Stanton ✨

Hike + fly • Chamonix VK

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Ski • St Gervais

Ski tour • Le Tour

Paraglide • Planpraz

Hike + fly • Chamonix VK x3

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