Shakeout

Last tuneup before CIM

Everybody from Copenhagen knows Danielle

Had to stop by Cal Academy and look inside on the cooldown today. Rest in peace Claude, the famous albino alligator

3 x 800m, 2mi

I never thought I’d cry over an alligator passing away— but at some point in the last few years, this albino alligator in my favorite place became a weird symbol of my standing in San Francisco, which I’ve already been questioning over the last 6 months. So seeing that Claude had passed made me think harder about whether my own time in San Francisco is also due to finish.

Being from the Bay Area and growing up visiting San Francisco, I’ve been in love with this city my whole life, and I felt like I realized a dream to finally arrive as a resident in June 2021. After that, I was excited to embrace each of the many rebuilds and collapses I’ve had over and over since then, as long as I was still here. At 26, with much more naivety, and eyes much more unwaveringly bright, I figured that fire would never die. So I spent the years since then as meaningfully as I could, making friends and building cornerstone relationships that define my life here… to then watch those people exit this city over and over.
So when I turned 30, after 4 years here, I began to feel quite jaded watching my life rise and fall repeatedly back to where I started here— I reminded myself that my life moves in a lot of ~4 year phases, and asked myself if San Francisco is still the canvas I want to keep painting my life onto. Can I keep going here, continuing to paint over what is already covering something else up? Or is it time to find something new entirely, to save myself the conflict?

Over those years, I’ve held a Cal Academy membership and seen Claude there many times (20+ easily!). Claude became a weird constant, whose story I’d always get excited to tell to anyone willing to listen. And my favorite part— which made me feel closer to this almost lifeless alligator— was that he was only 2 months younger than me. No matter what phase of my 20s I was in, this alligator was always just right there with me, the same age as me, lounging in the same spot. No matter who kept cycling through my life, I could feel a little more comfort and stability in my own life knowing that everything was still normal and comfortable in Claude’s, whose story in SF continued to remain the same, just like mine.

Lately, I’ve been going to Cal Academy again with friends, family, and even just by myself if I needed to get outside and do something to make myself happy. Each time I’ve went in the last week and a half, I’ve been disappointed to not see him on exhibit. It wasn’t until today when I realized it was because he was dying.

I know Claude was just an alligator, but this becomes another deep reminder of how many ghosts haunt me as long as I continue in San Francisco. One more place to stand and look at the sights while I try to smile the way I used to, just to instead feel sad as I reflect on fond memories frozen in the past, of what I once did there that I cannot do anymore.

Claude’s passing makes me question more if my time in SF may also be winding down, and whether I need to find somewhere else to go too.
Bye Claude, SF won’t be the same without you, buddy. Thanks for making so many memories for me all these years, and being a great story of how being different and unwelcomed by your own kind can make you more special.🐊

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Joey Grovers

Had to stop by Cal Academy and look inside on the cooldown today. Rest in peace Claude, the famous albino alligator

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Shakeout

Last tuneup before CIM

Everybody from Copenhagen knows Danielle

Had to stop by Cal Academy and look inside on the cooldown today. Rest in peace Claude, the famous albino alligator

3 x 800m, 2mi

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