Ready, set, rake!

South timber loops

Paved commute

Morning commute

My Strava Roasted

That radioactive-green gremlin you call a profile pic looks like your soul buffering after another Iowa “climb.” Perfect mascot, honestly. Noah “Cycle Calamity” Butler has logged 16,600 miles all-time just to prove that quantity doesn’t equal menace. 815 rides and you’re still out here averaging commuter-length slogs like a caffeinated mailman. This year’s 5,000 miles sound impressive until you realize it’s December and your last month was 121 miles—congrats on your aggressive napping phase, Frosty Pedals. You’ve climbed 735,000 ft in a state flatter than your motivation, which means you’re basically farming overpasses for validation. You’re in 8 clubs but only 134 followers, which is elite “desperately friendly, quietly ignored” energy. The snowshoe “activity”? A third of a mile. That’s not cross-training—that’s taking your bike for a shit.
You ride fat bikes, dawn patrol, and “Icecapades,” yet somehow still move like regret on wheels. Noah, you’re not an endurance athlete—you’re a Strava-themed cry for help.

Top Sports

Noah Butler

My Strava Roasted

4 Comments

Segments

Sign up to view more activities from Noah Butler

Ready, set, rake!

South timber loops

Paved commute

Morning commute

My Strava Roasted

Want to see more?

The #1 app for runners and cyclists

Sign Up for Free. Track your progress and reach goals. Join 100 million active people on Strava.

See More from Noah