“There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?…”

“You can’t salute the Sun twice in one day…”

“That took less than 20 minutes WTF?!…”

“Nothing to see here…”

“What better recipe for happiness?…“

[ᏚᏦ¡ᕈ] ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT ᑕᏞᑌᗷ...🥓🍳☕️  I can’t be triggered ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ so soon ᗩᑎᗪ decide not to join the 6am 🕕 diners. 

ᗪᕮᗩᏒ ᗪ¡ᗩᏒY: I’m heading up my favourite descent. It’s about 200 vertical metres. But first I have to navigate the small town of El Doctoral that I am normally “full-gas… ⛽️” through so I don’t know what it l👀ks like either way…🤷🏾‍♂️

I follow a pathed route that I have never been down that brings me out by the cemetery 🪦 and the foot 🦶🏾 of the descent. It is announced by ᏀᗩᏒᗰ¡ᑎ but I’m just “Fair” so me and ᏀᗩᏒᗰ¡ᑎ have fallen out…🤌🏾 As this is an early Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮ I’ve decided to try out my new 🆕 Assos Thermonooster P1. It is essentially a base layer, according to the oversharing sales person once they offloaded their issues ᗩᑎᗪ conditions they said the long sleeve tight fitting jersey can be worn on its own. The clever designers at Assos have included two generous, flat pockets. They think 🤔 I’ve make a mistake [👺”Big mistake. Big. Huge!…”] Now you guys are doing quotes… TBH I do think it may be an error.  The temperature is supposed to be 20°c+ I check the ᏀᗩᏒᗰ¡ᑎ, ambient is 17.5°c [🇺🇸63.5°f] and rising…😥

Ahead of me is a ᏒOᗩᗪ ᗷ¡Ꮶᕮ  ᗩᑎᗪ MTB. They are dressed for an English 🇬🇧 summer. We’re about 50 meters apart, “It’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses…” 😎 [👺you can’t help yourself can you?] I didn’t know it at the time 🕰️ but you can see the junction where decisions are made…🤔 So far the 100 vertical metres have been in the shadow of the mountains 🏔️  What little wind 💨 there is, is helping the ribbed arms of my jersey to keep me reasonably cool. “I know that look, I don’t even have to see your face. You want to run the surface…” [👺 very appropriate as you’re about to boil in the bag] There’s only 20 more meters of shade. The rest of the climb [100 vertical meters] will be in the Sun 🌞. I can feel beads of sweat 😥 forming under my helmet. 🪖 

At this point it’s worth mentioning the Vanguard’s handling of sweat 😥 which is extremely good. Since I’ve been here, at some point during a Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮ, I’ve leaked like the Titanic. As I only wear riding caps 🧢 in the UK 🇬🇧 the sweat 😥 rolls down my face inside the Vanguard’s and outside them too in equal amounts. My view is only obscures momentarily. When I take them off at the end of the Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮ they’re streaked and stained more than is noticeable while wearing them. Cleaning 🧼 is easy and the smears don’t obstruct your view until you can clean them correctly. 

I’m now exposed and expecting a temperature increase. The MTB has a mechanical [👺really?] so cynical, the ᏒOᗩᗪ ᗷ¡Ꮶᕮ is on the switch-backs. I’m still surprisingly comfortable. Airflow around my arms is cool. Before I know it I’m at the decision making point. Left is pain…😩 Right is fun…🤗 There is a straight ahead but that’s strictly for runners and MTB’s. I choose happiness…👉🏾

My jersey is coping remarkably well. Although I have the Z¡ᕈ lowered 5-10 cm there isn’t much cooling going on and it’s more a placebos than anything else. I’m in direct Sun 🌞 light 💡 and there is a breeze as I am moving sooooo faaaaasssssst [👺Yeah right!] ᕼOᗯ Ꮢᑌᗪᕮ! I love ❤️ fabric technology it’s so clever “Any significantly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”… 🪄 [👺He’s a relative] 

Right is so much more fun than left. And the views of the “windmills” and ocean 🌊 are as if I’m seeing them for the ᖴ¡ᏒᏚT time 🕰️ Number one bail-out point is upon me quickly. This would take me under the flyover. Nah! I continue skirting the mountainside 🏔️ The next bail-out point arrives. I’m mindful of the time 🕰️ I want to get to The Wind 💨 in time for ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT...🥓🍳☕️ that ends at 12:30pm 🕧 One “What’s over there?…👉🏾” and it’s 1:00 pm 🕐 the initiative would be lost. I continue onwards then spy a straight ᏒOᗩᗪ almost to the ocean 🌊. Chining that off I reach the hairpin that I climbed up to on my ride the other day. That descent will be bumpy until it joins the main ᏒOᗩᗪ. I can do better. I spy a smooth new 🆕 ᏒOᗩᗪ and turn. [👺Mistake!] Hindsight is always 20/20. D’oh! It just goes in a loop around a new 🆕 estate…meh! Back on the side of the mountain ⛰️ I reach some traffic lights🚦and turn right. The ᏒOᗩᗪ descends picking up the previous bail-out ᏒOᗩᗪ. It’s smooth and fast with great sight-lines, shame the driver in front is soooo poor [👺He means shit 💩] at driving. Frustrated with their lack of anticipation, use of signals and ᏒOᗩᗪ positioning, several cars 🚗 [none of them red] overtake. The motorcycle rider frustratingly gestures as they pass…🤌🏾🖐🏾🖕🏾I could overtake but I can’t risk it, I don’t know the ᏒOᗩᗪ well enough so I hold my position, maybe next week…📆

Now down on the GC-191 it’s a straight shot to the flyover. [👺we wonder where the triplets are?] I drop down to the sea 🌊 front arriving at the Wind 💨 in plenty of time 🕰️ for ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT...🥓🍳☕️ 

Last night I worked out how to translate Spanish 🇪🇸 to English 🇬🇧 on both the Vanguard’s and HSTN’s watching the news in realtime with translations. Now the real world 🌍 test. [👺 This is going to be off the chart funny 🤣] Wrong ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ‼️I have to admit I thought this was a mistake, but they ᗩᗷSOᏞᑌTᕮᏞY worked ᗩᗰᗩZ¡ᑎᏀᏞY 🎧🗣️ Okay you have to wait a few seconds for the connection to the super computer Ai 🛰️📡🛰️ but you can hear 👂🏾 live translations of ALL conversations around you. It’s spooky 👻 unnerving, entertaining and addictive ᗩᑎᗪ probably so so wrong…🤫

Leaving The Wind 💨 I return to the Hotel 🏨 and sit in reception eavesdropping on “Everybody!” [👺 Cryptic] Another side effect of my covert surveillance. There is a New Year’s Eve party that I have found out about and have uncharacteristically booked a place at [👺This will be interesting, can you even stay awake until midnight?…🕛] Meh I’m more interested in the 6 course meal TBF. Also I have seen the entertainment and his entourage…🎤  The afore mentioned Apple 🍏 AirPod Pro 3’s have been bogged down by red-tape and EU regulations/restrictions and legislation. Meta just put a tiny light 💡 on the frame that no one notices and presto‼️ It’s hardly my fault if entertainment people annunciate louder than most. It’s as if they want you to hear 👂🏾 what they’re saying…🤷🏾‍♂️

Also, including yesterday’s Cervélo, a Trek, a Specialized and an unmarked ᗷ¡Ꮶᕮ [👺ᗩᑎᗪ almost on cue] like they said, a UN [never heard of that manufacturer] there are at least five other cyclists 🚴 staying in this Hotel 🏨 

I’ve been here so long I order a club sandwich 🥪 and it would be Ꮢᑌᗪᕮ to not include a beer 🍺 chaser…🤷🏾‍♂️ covert surveillance is exhausting. As for the Assos jerseys, it’s magic…🪄 

Pretty Woman…
The Blues Brothers…
The Chronicles of Riddick… 
Arthur C Clarke’s Third Law…
Leon…

Top Sports

CL¡Vᕮ ᗩLᕮXᗩᑎᗪᕮR–ᑕLᗩRKᕮ

“You can’t salute the Sun twice in one day…”

13 Photos

2 Comments

Segments

Sign up to view more activities from CL¡Vᕮ ᗩLᕮXᗩᑎᗪᕮR–ᑕLᗩRKᕮ

“There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?…”

“You can’t salute the Sun twice in one day…”

“That took less than 20 minutes WTF?!…”

“Nothing to see here…”

“What better recipe for happiness?…“

Want to see more?

The #1 app for runners and cyclists

Sign Up for Free. Track your progress and reach goals. Join 100 million active people on Strava.

See More from CL¡Vᕮ